Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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