My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish they made helmets for livers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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