I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
