'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
