I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
