It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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