I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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