how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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