her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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