after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
