Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
