sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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