He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
