I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
