all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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