Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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