Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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