allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
