I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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