in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
