matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You work out of a Hotel?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
and you fell through a lawn chair
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
