I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
