I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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