Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
