it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
