people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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