just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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