My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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