There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
