We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
