clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
