shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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