if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
