please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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