Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
