worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
