I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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