I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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