you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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