I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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