I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
