I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
