he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
