Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
