he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
