My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
