New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
