You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
