So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My vagina is officially offended.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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