apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
