based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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