new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
