she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
