eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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