Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
