I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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