Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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