It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
