I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
