It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
