yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
