if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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