let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
