Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Someone came in the potted fern
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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