I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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