Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
