Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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