he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
