is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
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