I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize