He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
