it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
