thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
