I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
